"Jesus christ - Brazil is not of this planet. There is no way."

That's almost a daily mantra of mine, as I am probably one of the craziest people around, knee-deep in one of the most insane music scenes on Earth - baile funk. Man, it sucks that I'm just calling it baile funk, because I feel like it doesn't even do the genre justice, as there's over 800 billion different sub-genres and styles from various regions in the country that just stem from funk alone (Okay maybe not 800 billion.....even though I wouldn't be surprised if that number was correct). It's absolutely insane. Ever since I wrote my thoughts on realllly getting into the nitty-gritty of this wonderful musical world last year, I've learned so much more since then, and my admiration and respect for Brazilian culture and art grows by the minute nowadays. Funk music is like my morning coffee and nightly melatonin gummy that never works - I am constantly engrossed with this in my free time from the moment I wake up til I go to bed, whether I'm checking my subscription box on YouTube every few hours (who the hell even uses those anymore - my dumbass, of course) or mindlessly going through some random Brazilian dude's SC account that only got 75 followers. I'm obsessed.

But I'm obsessed with good reason though: Every single fucking day y'all..... My brain just becomes fried because of how fall-out-your-chair-in-pure-bewilderment-inducing this music truly is. I don't think there's ever been a type of music where I feel so helpless in regards to knowing what I am about to listen to - it's always a crap shoot. Are my ears about to shattered with some screeching high-end or will my subwoofer cause my lil Texas town to be the site of the new San Andreas fault? I will never ever know. That, combined with constant innovation in the way that funkieros all across Brazil are making entirely new sounds and rhythms unlike anywhere else on Earth on a daily basis, makes this obsession so gratifying. Like for example, look at this video made by one of my favorite journalists on earth, the great GG Albuquerque, that shows just a small taste of the different type of beats in funk music today (moreso the Rio style, but you get what I mean). I just love the variety of it all and how it varies by region in places like Rio, Belo Horizonte. the state of Espirito Santo, and São Paulo. There's just so much going on over there right now, and so many more people need to know about it. That's where I come in...

We're barely a month and half into the year, and I have saved over 200 funk songs across YouTube and SoundCloud that has at least garnered the reaction of "Wow, this is incredible." I don't know if that's an indictment of my insanity or how good funk music is, but I wanted to go ahead and make it a monthly thing where I share with the World Wide Web all of the next-level music that is coming out of Brazil. Big thanks to Andrew at finals for letting me be a lil gringo funkiero on here and a special shoutout to noz, maxway, Com Grave, and the rest of our #baile-bookclub members. Their brains are all broken too probably with how much we spam each other with tunes. Just realized I'm probably the only cajun funkiero on Earth..... When I tell y'all I'm billdifferen, I mean it...... But enough with the 6/10 jokes, here's what y'all have been waiting for:

The Best Funk Tunes of January 2022

MC Teteu (Prod. by JC no Beat & DJ F7) - EU VOU MACHUCAR SÓ UM POUQUINHO - CATUCANDO GOSTOSINHO

In terms of sheer popularity, it might be really hard to stop this song from being one of the biggest of the entire year. São Paulo's MC Teteu (not to be mistaken by the other MC Teteu who sounds like a child that had me confused for a second) has a serious hit with "EU VOU MACHUCAR SÓ UM POUQUINHO - CATUCANDO GOSTOSINHO," as it has amassed almost 12 million views in just the last two weeks, as well as being posted on every damn funk YT channel I follow. It's seriously everywhere and with good reason - Just listen to it! It starts off with Teteu crooningly giving this girl an ultimatum : "Se quiser estou te esperando aqui de peito aberto/Mas se não quiser eu estou voltando pro bailão" (If you want, I'm waiting for you here with an open heart/But if you don't want to, I'm going back to the baile). I don't know what final decision was made between Teteu and the girl, but it feels like he chose the baile with how DJ F7 and JC no Beat bring the beat in....good god. Putting this at a high enough volume, you can seriously feel it in your teeth. This shit was perfectly made for bailes - the repetition in both the beat and Teteu's lyrics makes it so addicting. I don't want to describe it anymore in detail because I want you to go into this blindly - I wish I could hear it for the first time again. I can't stop listening to it.

The entire funk community can't stop listening to it either, because this song is a great segway into the world of "montagem" or MTG tracks. Basically, MTG tracks are just remixes and re-imaginings of already established funk tunes, mostly just using the acapella, where DJs all across Brazil give their own unique take on the song. Due to how big this tune has gotten, there have been so many different interpretations of MC Teteu's hit that serve as a great example of how varied funk sounds across the country. Of course, the folks in Belo Horizonte (BH) are going to throw their unique sample-based atmosphere onto this, as DJ LUCAS MARTINS and DJ HM OLIVEIRA make a crazy version here. Rio's drum-heavy sound melds so well with Teteu's acapella, which can be shown on DJ KAIO's remix that gives folks on TikTok another song to dance to. While those are all so good, I prefer the ones that take a song and make it sound like it's the end of the world, and Campos dos Goitacazes native LN DO YOUTUBE's remix scratches that itch, because good fucking lord..... Yeah - it's just a little over a minute long, not giving you much, but the haunting atmosphere he gives here is brain-breaking. The absurdly over-blown bass sound that is later met with this strange "ha ha" sample that sounds like it's coming from a demon child is just insane. Like seriously, just from this one song from SP, you are already branching into a stupid amount of different sounds and styles. When I say that funk is one of the deepest genres of music on earth, I mean it.

NEGUIN DA BASE, MC LARANJINHA, and ARYSSA REAL (Prod. by JOHN JOHNIS) - A ARAPUCA JA ARMOU

Now enters a whole new entire beast: BREGAFUNK. While most of the funk I've covered has been mostly from the southern part of Brazil, moreso the southeast, funk is still important in the northern regions of the country. Beginning in the coastal city of Recife, Bregafunk is the 30+ year result of the northeastern love ballad genre "Brega" being combined with the enormous influence of Rio funk in the 90s. As time went on, Bregafunk started to sound like neither genres, as you can pick out influences of the Caribbean, like reggaeton and soca, but at the same time, it sounds like something totally new. As someone who is pretty new to the genre, the best way I could describe Bregafunk is that it is super erratic, but still retains that same slow-head-bopping bounce from something like reggaeton. The low horn tones are so good and the drums fills in most of these songs are absolutely ridiculous - the producers fill it up with so many different samples, it almost feels like Jersey club music chops at times (I know some of y'all are probably saying "Of course bill thinks that" and are rolling y'all's eyes right now). Regardless, it is such a good fresh scene that is growing in popularity across Brazil. Mixmag did a really great feature on this scene and how it is growing in 2019 that you should check out.

Due to Bregafunk's growth, it is not just a Northeastern-exclusive genre now, as folks in the South have been joining in on the fun, including one of my favorite MCs in all of Brazil: BH's MC LARANJINHA. Here, Laranjinha teams up with Brega mainstays NEGUIN DA BASE and LARYSSA REAL on a tune produced by the Bregafunk GOAT: JOHN JOHNIS. This tune benefits from all 3 MC's personalities shining on here: you got Neguin Da Base in these Soulja Boy glasses acting cool as hell while Laryssa and Laranjinha are playing off of each other with their high-energy rapping styles. Laranjinha just rapping on every beat of these crazy ass drum fills coming from the unreal mind of John Johnis is probably my favorite part here. It's just fun. Like go play a Bregafunk song in your 2004 VW Golf really loudly with all the windows down, and I think you'll understand it a bit better. Seriously, the genre looks like it will grow even larger this year, so be on the lookout!

DJ AL FAIXA PRETA IS INSANE

Now this... I don't even know what to call it.. Horror Funk? Sigilfunk? A figment of my imagination? No, but seriously, DJ AL FAIXA PRETA is one of the most ridiculous funk producers I listen to. Looking at their profile, a lot of their cover art looks like it would be a thumbnail of a YouTube video about some weird copypasta, but pressing play on any tune of theirs sucks you into this darkly surreal and atmospheric world that is riddled with fairly familiar samples and earth-ending soundscapes that sound like the monster under your bed is finally grabbing your toes in your sleep after all of these years.

I don't know where DJ AL is from, but it has to be somewhere between BH and Rio, because their sound is a perfect mixture of the Rio drum-based sound that consists of numerous different drum patterns and the dark and brooding atmosphere of BH that gives it that scary feel. Like seriously, their music feels like a weird nightmare. Look at these tracks above, apart of the MEGA DIFERENCIADA series, where AL is just making surrealist art at this point. In the first one, "FROZEN MALDITA," you have that iconic "Dancinnn is what to dooooo" song hazily sampled while you are being hounded by these ghastly funkiero figures with these dark horn tones and this drum beat that sounds like a child yelling - it's insane. On the other one, "OUTRA DIMENSÃO," you have more light-hearted samples, including Gotye of all people, that is met with, again, some damn atmosphere. It's like when you press play, all of the lights in your house go out and you're met with just the glow of some apparition, and you're just scared shitless. DJ AL's SoundCloud page is something that all of you have to go through, as it's filled with some of the craziest shit on this website. They might even just haunt you in your dreams afterwards too, so get ready!

MC's Pett, Bobii, and MC Buraga (Prod. by DJ PATRÍCK MUNIZ) - PIQUE, PIQUEZIN x CINTURA IGNORANTE

Sure, this came out last year, but you HAVE to listen to this one (Also the music video didn't get posted until the last week of December, so it counts!) A modern take of the MC Duduzinho classic, this beat reimagined by SP's DJ PATRÍCK MUNIZ is just absolutely addicting - I could seriously listen to it for hours. Every single time the "LIKE LIKE" sample pops up, I feel like I'm floating - there's something so uplifting about this track. On top of that, this song is all over TikTok, where it has been used in over a quarter of a million videos on the app. Try to do the dance and see if can go viral yourself! (please don't)

DJ WJ - GLOCK ROSA VS GLOCK PRETA

Wow, I'm surprised I went this far without talking about a BH track, but here we finally are! While I agree that it's a tossup when it comes to who is making the most insane funk music right now, Belo Horizonte has constantly made that case for the past few years, as they push their sound to its limit daily. The focus on using unique sounds in their tunes makes BH easily the deepest region right now, when it comes to just finding quality funk music. BH's DJ WJ is one of those culprits, where they have been making some of the best BH beats out of anyone right now. Take a look at "GLOCK ROSA VS GLOCK PRETA," an absolutely forceful tune that is a slight contrast to the very subtle and mysterious feel that most BH songs have, as the stuttery synths here aren't creeping up behind you - they're just in your fucking face from the start. Each hit feels like a gut punch, and I can take each one. The tune itself also might take influence from a producer that we'll be talking about shortly. Some other WJ tunes that I recommend are "CRIMINALISTICA DAS COMUNIDADES 01," an absolutely ominous tune that makes you really think that Chucky is in your house and more recently, "MEGA CRIMINALISTICA 09," a track that shows how spontaneous and inventive BH funk is, where you have so many playfully dreamy sounds being regurgitated at you. It's seriously an auditory overload that makes you want to see what the hell is going on in the futuristic Belo Horizonte. I wouldn't be surprised if there were flying cars there, to be quite honest....

DJ GUI MARQUES - MTG PRIMEIRA DO ANO 2022

One of the biggest figures in Belo Horizonte's funk scene, every single DJ Gui Marques release feels like an event in itself, as it is almost a gimme that a song of his will blow up, and that's been the case for years now. Here, in his first attempt of the year, Gui Marques shows why he is one of the best in funk right now, making a melody of different acapellas (the only one that I can immediately recognize is the inescapable tune that is "Esse é Ladrão") and pairing it with a beat that can be best described as "Crazy Frog riding his motorcycle around your ears." It's insane, and the chromatic nature of that sample makes you feel like you're incredibly intoxicated - almost like that crazy camera angle from the Chop Suey music video. I'm sure 2022 will be another huge year for the producer, as I'm sure we'll see some more MC Saci collabs, which are always good. I also highly recommend going through Gui Marques's SoundCloud from the beginning, as you can get a really good grasp of the evolution of BH funk and how it has become the beast that it is today. It's seriously some of the best music on earth right now.

DJ PH MPC & DJ LINO FT. DJ IARLEY DO LJ - MEGA DOS ENVOLVIDOS 020 - NOIS NÃO BRINCA DE SER BANDIDO

A producer that is easily in my top 10 in Brazil, Belo Horizonte's DJ PH MPC is one of the best when it comes to that uniquely sinister sound coming of the city that I've been gushing about these past few minutes. Seriously, every DJ PH MPC song feels like opening a door in a haunted house where you're met by a pitch black room with some old lady in a rocking chair facing the wall - it's so eerie, but you don't want to keep your eyes off of the terror. I believe the best example of DJ PH MPC's prowess is his MEGA DOS ENVOLVIDOS collection, 20 tracks that perfectly encapsulate the BH sound, which is just unsettling ingenuity. In his latest addition to the series, PH MPC is still introducing whole new sounds through this limitless style - the mixture of the repetitive choral sample that creeps behind you like the boogeyman and the constant introduction of numerous mind-blowing samples - from plucky metallic orbs of sound to dark flute tones to folks beatboxing, your ears are always on alert while listening in awe during his songs. Some other editions of the series that I highly recommend are "PODER DO KALASHNIKOV," my favorite of his and one of the many reasons why BH is one of the best music cities on earth, "BANDIDO NÃO DANÇA," a tune that has one of the saddest horn tones I have ever heard, and lastly, his seventh release, that has this crazy grunting sample that reminds me of the thwomp sound from Super Mario 64. These folks never fail to blow my mind. Seriously, DJ PH MPC is a producer that warrants a full day going through their SoundCloud - there's so many gems. Also, his latest release is so insane - those guitar tones are ridiculous - City Morgue could never!!!

DJS SILAS DO JURAMENTO & FB DO MORRINHO - TRAVA DESTRAVA VS EU FAÇO A POSIÇÃO { 2095 ]

Here's another producer that just scares the fucking shit out of me. These dudes are from another world I swear... DJ SILAS DO JURAMENTO's music seriously sounds like it was made by a demon from the future who knows how the world will end, rather than just some kid from Brazil. Take a look at "TRAVA DESTRAVA VS EU FAÇO A POSIÇÃO" above and try to refute my claim: What in the hell is going on here!?!? You have another cursed tune that sounds like something someone will tell you not to listen to or you'll die in 7 days - the demented-sounding voice-based beat that sounds like it is coming from the skeleton on the cover coupled with these dronish textures slowly enveloping you soul makes you feel like you're truly in hell. Don't even get me started on the "Rhythm of the Night" sample that caught me off-guard so much the first time I listened to it. WHAT GOES IN THESE PEOPLE'S HEADS, MY GOD. Seriously, this entire SoundCloud account feels like an invitation into the underworld. You have tracks that state that they're from 2K27 designed to make you sleep with one eye open and a numerous amount of beat patterns that make you feel like you're witnessing a seance - I can't stop thinking about this shit. Lastly, it never fails to make me laugh going on one of SILAS DO JURAMENTO'S tracks and just seeing the #Ambient tag pasted on each one - maybe we should just call this #Ambient funk? (Probably not)

DJ Mimo Prod. - MELÔ DE CASAMENTO - BEAT TÁ TÁ TÁ

Y'all it's okay now.... you can get out from under the covers - there's no more spooky scary funk from here on out. Here's something a little more lighthearted and perfect for this time of year. "Careless Whisper" has been a song I have always had a complicated relationship with - I played saxophone in school while that "Sexy Sax Man" video got popular, and I heard that saxophone lick being played so much by my peers, it got to the point where I loathed the song for so long. But as I got older, I really appreciated how much of a tune it truly is. Anecdotes aside, São Paulo's DJ Mimo Prod. is one of the best when it comes to breathing new life into familiar tunes for us gringos - recall that forceful Keyshia Cole flip from the EOY funk piece I did back in December. He's so good at this. Here with "MELÔ DE CASAMENTO," Mimo takes a high-pitched George Michael and throws on top one of the best drum patterns in all of funk currently: the TÁ TÁ TÁ beat. Seriously, you will not be able to get that "Tatatata ta ta ta ta" out of your head - it is so infectious. That, plus the subtle roar of that low end that lingers throughout the beat makes this another irresistible tune from the SP native. A great YT channel that I recommend that has a lot of recognizable remixes and is also associated with Mimo is Bailão Que Fala, a really deep collection of tunes that will only further your love for funk altogether.

DJ Mano Lost - PUMBA LA PUMBA VS EMPURA EMPURRA LA NA TRETA

While on the subject of São Paulo, I could not leave out the party-filled sound that is rave funk/funk mandelão, a style that takes influence from modern EDM music, but still has the essence of funk music altogether. Here, we have SP's DJ Mano Lost taking 2 classic MC Magrinho tunes, Pumba La Pumba Aqui (There's another Pumba La Pumba remix that got big on TikTok, to the point where AMERICANS were dancing to it - insane) and Empurra Empurra La Na Treta and putting them through some type of futuristic time machine. Here, those synth hits feel like the gravity around you is increasing and your body is just being smashed into the ground - the sound is insane here. It's really hard to explain into specifics why rave funk is so fun, other than trying to say "Hey, try to blow up your speakers with this one!!" There's just limitless fun with mandelão.

DJ L7 DA ZN - MONTAGEM - METAVERSO 2077🔌🛰️

Here's another mandelão agent of chaos that makes music more akin to the Swedish House Mafia than your standard funk producer: DJ L7 DA ZN loves making these murky synth scapes that put you in a daze. Look at this MTG track "METAVERSO 2077," where it feels like you're eternally stuck on a dark dancefloor at 2 in morning - no matter how hard you try, you just cannot leave. The sounds here feel almost mind-controlling - like a trance. Again, just blare this on any speaker system you can find; Megatron might come to your house and join the party. Also, can we just talk about this Black Beatles remix???? - What in the world.... Otherworldly stuff.

DJ GORDÃO ZS - MAGIA CELESTIAL - BOTA NA BOCA - NÓS CATUCA - PIQUE DO VICE VERSA

Here some's more mandelão to destroy your car's speakers. SP's DJ GORDÃO ZS is another producer that sounds like he just came back from the year 2041 with how cool their music sounds. Look at "MAGIA CELESTIAL," a four-on-the-floor reverbrated track that makes you want to take any vehicle you have and just go drift down your nearest street - It feels like I'm in my own Midnight Club game. Seriously, a lot of GORDÃO ZS's tracks have that same feeling. I just want to take my car down a hill at 3 in the morning like I'm in Initial D. The music might give you a little too much confidence in your driving ability though, so proceed with caution!

MC Fefe Original and LucaStyles (Prod. by DJ C4) - BEAT DA ESPERANÇA ÁRABIANA

Another familar SP producer, DJ C4 produced one of my favorite tunes last year with BLACK LANÇA, a song that I still can't stop listening to. While not making hits, C4 is just constantly putting out tracks more insane than the last. Look at "BEAT DA ESPERANÇA ÁRABIANA," one of many funk tracks that have some type of Arabic-based sample, which is a strange development in the funk sound that has been more prevalent in the last few years. Here, you have that hypnotising vocal sample met with these high-pitched steel-drumish plucks that is being repeated throughout the song - I can see the light with this song on. But honestly, DJ C4 is a producer that really pushes the sound of rave/funk mandelão. I feel like I'm transported to some EDM festival with folks wearing butterfly wings or some shit everytime I play a tune of his.

DJ Mavicc - MEGA SET DAS COMUNIDADES

Here's one last rave funk tune for the road... A favorite of mine contributing to the mandelão sound is SP's DJ Mavicc, a producer whose main purpose is to get you moving, whether you're off the Johnnie Walker or not. Mavicc's sound is so cosmic - I feel like I'm being shot up into space with only a can of Red Bull and some Oakley shades. With "MEGA SET DAS COMUNIDADES," DJ Mavicc is teleporting you into so many different worlds in just this 5 minute set; you really have no time to catch a breather because he's throwing whole new sounds and concepts at you like the teacher in Whiplash throwing the cymbal at the kid - Mavicc's way is much cooler though. I know I've said it a lot, but a lot of rave funk sounds soooo futuristic - I can't get enough of it. Spend a day on Mavicc's YouTube channel, and you might seriously just book yourself a ticket to São Paulo to see what the hell is going on over there. I could listen to this shit forever, and I might just do that.

Well, if you didn't like anything on here, there might be something wrong with you! Just from looking at tunes from the last month or so, you can see how insane this music scene truly is. I hope some of you got to discover and enjoy some new artists that you have never heard of before. That's always one of the best things in music - discovering new visionaries, and Brazil is just a visionary factory it seems. There's so many forward-thinking artists there, funk music seriously feels like an insurmountable colossus that you can't conquer, but I'm sure as hell trying! Be on the lookout for more funk pieces throughout the year from me, as I can't wait to tackle this mountain of a music scene. Here's a playlist of a bunch of funk tunes that I didn't have time to talk about, but you should totally check out. Brazil is truly lightyears ahead of us all...

Til next time....